Tax Guru – Ker$tetter Letter

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Archive for the ‘humor’ Category

“Tax Week” Jokes

Posted by taxguru on April 19, 2015

An assortment from some of the late night talk shows, via NewsMax.

Letterman

It’s two days until tax time. I know it’s late, but there is still time to deduct this show as a loss.

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I told my accountant a couple of months ago that I’m getting ready to retire, and he said, “Oh, no. You’re not getting out that easy.”

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It’s tax season. When I woke this morning and realized it was tax season, I said, My God, didn’t we just pay taxes last year?

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Today is tax day. A lot of people are hoping they get refunds. And that’s just the folks here in the audience.

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Conan

It’s April 15, tax day. The federal tax code is over 74,000 pages long. But stick with it because after page 72,000, it gets really good.

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Hillary Clinton is making income inequality a central theme in her campaign. Yeah, for example, today she pointed out that her husband makes $300 million a year. She has to get by on $200 million a year, and that’s not fair.

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Tax day was yesterday. And marijuana growers are complaining that they can’t write off a single expense thanks to federal laws. Well, apparently someone tried to claim the Phish tour as his home office and that’s not going to happen.

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Jimmy Kimmel

For the next hour, would you say you are relying on me to host the show? So, in a way you are depending on me? I can claim you as dependents. It makes for a big tax refund for me.

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The IRS specifically selected April 15 as tax day. They knew it was going to likely be a beautiful spring day and they wanted to ruin it for us.

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A study says that traffic fatalities go up 6 percent on tax day, presumably because people are rushing to the tax office and doing their taxes while they drive. If you are just realizing it is tax day, don’t worry about it. The IRS is pretty cool about this stuff.

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The only fun thing about filing your tax return is getting a refund. About 80 percent of taxpayers get money back, which is a weird thing to be happy about. That means you’ve been overpaying all year long. It’s like if someone broke into your house and the police recovered the stuff and brought it back and you said, “Oh, presents.”

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Another type of “Spring Break”

Posted by taxguru on April 18, 2015

Tax Break from Funny or Die.

 

 

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How To Make Tax Day Pie!

Posted by taxguru on April 18, 2015

A very different extreme way for DIYers to handle their tax returns from Funny or Die.


 

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Best Code Ever

Posted by taxguru on April 15, 2015

Funny musical video about Tax Season from Remy via Reason TV.

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Posted by taxguru on March 25, 2015

From Conan O’Brien via NewsMax:

Tea party candidate Ted Cruz announced he’s running for president. He says he wants to abolish the IRS. So today Cruz was endorsed by Nicolas Cage, Wesley Snipes, and Willie Nelson.

From Argus Hamilton:

Mitt Romney said Friday that the biggest mistake he made in the last presidential election was not connectiong with minorities. His wealth was never an issue. People say that money is not the key to happiness, but Americans have always believed that with enough money, you can have a key made.

Hillary Clinton appeared at a forum in Washington sponsored by the liberal-leaning Center for American Progress Monday where she apoke about the problem of income inequality. She gets three hundred grand per speech. Democrats believe it’s okay to be rich as long as you just feel awful about it.

Israel spied on the U.S.-Iran nuclear talks and gave the intel to House Republicans. The White House learned of Israel’s spying on the U.S.-Iran talks by spying on Israel. The White House wouldn’t spy on Israel but they’re registered as a conservative non-profit so the NSA and IRS are all over them.

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Wisdom from Dilbert

Posted by taxguru on March 23, 2015

I’m not a fan of following celebrities’ Twitter feeds, but I couldn’t resist checking out what Dilbert creator Scott Adams claimed was a collection of his best tweets.  He had some good ones regarding topics I like to include in this blog, such as these.

I knew a guy with passion to be a pro golfer and the brain to be a great accountant. He followed his passion. He’s homeless now.

Bank said by phone it takes ten days to issue new credit card. I said it is 2015 where I am and asked what decade I had called.

My grandfather used to give me a quarter whenever I visited him on the farm. It taught me a valuable lesson about being underpaid.

Time is money. Money is power. Power corrupts. So don’t give anyone your time because it will corrupt them.

I tell people that money can’t buy happiness just to reduce the odds of being robbed.

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Celebrity Tax Troubles

Posted by taxguru on March 10, 2015

A funny observation from today’s episode of NewsBusted.

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PITA Clients

Posted by taxguru on March 1, 2015

I’m sure every tax pro can relate to having had a few clients like in this excerpt from Broad City.  This CPA handled it brilliantly.

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Posted by taxguru on February 25, 2015

From Jimmy Fallon via NewsMax:

The White House announced that many Obamacare customers got the wrong tax information and may have to refile their taxes this year. It’s pretty inconvenient — mainly just remembering what you lied about the first time you filed your taxes.

From Seth Meyers via NewsMax:
Boston’s city council is considering increasing its alcohol tax. The plan would raise an estimated $900 million billion trillion.

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Posted by taxguru on February 21, 2015

From Argus Hamilton:

Internal Revenue Service officials complained Tuesday that budget cuts were severely restricting the ability of the IRS to provide service to taxpayers. It’s frenetic. IRS agents are so buried by work they automatically referred the rapper Ice Tea for an audit just assuming he was a conservative group.

Hillary Clinton agreed to testify to the House committee on the Benghazi attack but the House can’t get State’s records. The president’s in the clear. President Obama can prove he knew nothing about a terrorist attack on the consulate, he was too busy not knowing anything about the IRS scandal.

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