Tax Guru – Ker$tetter Letter

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Archive for the ‘humor’ Category

Posted by taxguru on July 13, 2014

From Argus Hamilton:

The IRS said IRS official Lois Lerner’s e-mails about targeting conservatives in the 2012 election can’t be found. They said two years of Lois’s e-mails were lost because her computer crashed. It crashed when President Obama threw it out of Air Force One at thirty thousand feet.

 

The IRS chief said its back-up server that stored Lois Lerner’s e-mails was destroyed and recycled. Now her e-mails with the White House can’t be retrieved. The GOP just offered Ed Snowden immunity from prosecution and his Hawaiian girlfriend back if he’ll send them his copy.

 

Hillary Clinton accepted a huge gig at the University of Nevada Las Vegas in October. It’s the same campus where Obama spoke last year. Washington D.C. politicians are restricted to the UNLV campus because anybody who is eighteen trillion in debt is not allowed in the casinos.

 

From Conan:

President Obama said he wants his daughters to work minimum wage jobs because it builds character. The president then announced he will be raising the minimum wage to $50 an hour.

 

From Dixon Diaz:

Attention Hillary Clinton: moral bankruptcy does not qualify as “being dead broke.”

 

I own a business and I frequently interview people when I’m hiring. One of the questions I ask when I interview is, “Do you think Obama is doing a good job?” If they say “yes” I won’t hire them, because obviously they have no idea what it means to do a good job.

 

 

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Posted by taxguru on July 6, 2014

From Fred Thompson:

The IRS claims that it lost over 2 years’ worth of Lois Lerner’s emails in a computer crash. OK, I’ll accept that one when I can use “lost receipts” as an excuse in an audit.   

 

It’s not just Lois Lerner’s e-mails. The Internal Revenue Service says it can’t produce e-mails from six more employees involved in the Tea Party targeting scandal. But don’t worry, you can trust them not to screw up like this in calculating your Obamacare tax.  

 

The state of New York plans to grant citizenship and voting rights to illegal immigrants if they pay three years of taxes. Although they do risk deportation during that time if their soda cup is too big.

 

 

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Posted by taxguru on July 6, 2014

From Fred Thompson:

The Department of Justice is creating a special law enforcement group to investigate those it designates as domestic terrorists. They’ll start work as soon as they get that Tea Party list from the IRS. 

 

During a speech in Poland, President Obama said “governments exist to lift up their people”. Might work better if they stopped trying to lift them up by their taxes.  

 

Harry Reid said that the sale of his house would “create 60 jobs”. Well, that’s 60 more than he’s created as Majority Leader.

 

 

 

 

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Posted by taxguru on June 8, 2014

From Fred Thompson:

A new report shows that the building of the new DHS HQ is 11 years behind schedule and $1.5 billion over budget. Don’t worry, though. The government will get the time & money thing right when they’re running healthcare. 

 

A San Francisco billionaire plans to spend $100 million to support “pro-climate action” candidates across the country. I say eliminate the middle man and just buy a bankrupt solar company with it. 

 

The Chinese government is reviewing whether domestic banks’ reliance on high-end servers from IBM compromises the nation’s financial security. Well, it can’t be riskier than sinking $1 trillion in US Treasury Bonds.

 

 

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Posted by taxguru on June 8, 2014

From Fred Thompson:

President Obama “absolutely” believes that Democrats will win back the House this year. That’s great news, since this is the same guy who predicted that Obamacare would save you money. 

 

The Justice Department filed criminal charges against five hackers in the Chinese military, accusing them of stealing American trade secrets through cyber-espionage. If the punishment is a fine, will they be allowed to pay in Treasury Bonds?

 

From Argus Hamilton:

President Obama was lectured by Uruguay president Jose Mujica in front of reporters on Monday about the need for him to close Guantanamo prison. If Obama really wants to close it he should turn it into a government-financed solar company. The doors will be shut in a month.

 

San Diego firefighters battled wind-blown wildfires Thursday that burned up thousands of acres. The government really stepped up. After two days, Governor Jerry Brown issued an executive order raising the taxes and regulations on state wildfires and they moved to Texas.

 

 

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Posted by taxguru on June 8, 2014

21 Jokes That Only Conservatives Will Find Funny  

Including these tax related ones:

Majority Leader Harry Reid is considering a plan for higher payroll taxes on upper-income earners to help finance health care legislation. So apparently, healthcare will be paid for by the New York Yankees.

 

What do Obama and financial scam artists have in common? They both say “yes we can,” they both give hope, they both take your money, and they both will leave you penniless in the end. 

 

What do you get when you offer a liberal a penny for his thoughts? Change.

 

What’s the difference between Bill Clinton and government bonds? Government bonds will mature someday. 

 

What’s Obama’s new slogan in these tough times? Spare Change You Can Believe In!

 

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Posted by taxguru on May 30, 2014

From Fred Thompson:

Asked about the number of Obamacare enrollees who’ve paid, Jay Carney said “we don’t have hard numbers, but we dispute their numbers”. Try using THAT one at an IRS audit. 

 

 An annual year-end kindergarten show was canceled at a New York school so the kids could prepare for “college and career”. So… they handed out student loan payment booklets & unemployment checks? 

 

President Obama is planning to punish Russia by using IRS rules to attack their financial transactions. Wait, I’m confused… did Russia threaten Ukraine, or call for lower government spending?

 

From Argus Hamilton:  

John Boehner will create a House Select Committee to investigate the White House cover-up of the al-Qaeda attack on the U.S. embassy in Benghazi. At the time the president knew nothing about the cover-up. He was too busy not knowing about the IRS targeting conservatives. 

 

Vladimir Putin’s wealth was analyzed by accountants Monday who estimate his personal worth around seventy-five billion dollars. The news drew cheers from the threatened Baltic states and concerns from Russia’s Army. They know how Obama feels about the one percenters.

 

From Conan:

Michelle Obama’s brother has been fired as the basketball coach at Oregon State. Like most Americans who lost their job, he blames Obama.

 

 

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Making fun of the Left

Posted by taxguru on May 16, 2014

With the Left controlling all of the mainstream media shows, it’s great to have alternative media, such as NewsBusted, to poke fun at the idiocy of the Left’s policies, such as these clips from this week’s episodes.

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Mad Magazine Tax Tips

Posted by taxguru on April 17, 2014

From their blog:

 

 photo MAD-Magazine-Tax-Tips_534c0e4a71747317976627_zpsd8b5194e.jpg

 

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Top Ten Accountant Pet Peeves

Posted by taxguru on April 17, 2014

From The Late Show:

 

 

If the embedded player doesn’t work, click here.

 

10. Self-adhesive stamps and envelopes mean there’s almost nothing left to lick.

9.  As soon as you buy a printing calculator, Apple puts out a new one.

8. All the friggin’ numbers

7.  Clients are so sensitive about going to jail.

6.  Cruel jokes about the size of my rubber finger tip. 

5. People who fill out disclosure statement form 8275 instead of regulation disclosure statement form 8275R — idiots

4. Academy Award winners who don’t thank Price Waterhouse Coopers

3. Idealistic youngsters who think accounting is just glamor and glitz.

2.  Only 6, 8, 9, and zero can be decorated with a smiley face.

1. Explaining to my wife how I got a paper cut on my ass

 

Extras from the website:

People assuming we all use steroids

People who judge me for sleeping with my calculator 

Immodest clients who freely divulge their annual income

If there are exemptions and deductions, why aren’t there “dedumptions”?

No one wants to embezzle anymore

 

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