From Argus Hamilton:
An IRS official told Congress she shared a conservative group’s tax information with the White House Wednesday. Hold the phone. If the Republicans really want to get rid of ObamaCare they should endorse it as a conservative nonprofit and let the IRS take it down.
The Economist reported that twenty-five million dollars in cash is being smuggled out of Pakistan every day. Only one percent of Pakistanis bother to pay any income taxes. The worst part is, America’s government is shut down while Pakistan’s is up and running.
President Obama met with Wall Street CEOs Thursday and warned them they should worry about a government shutdown. They are. Wall Street’s biggest concern is that the value of a politician will drop so low that ordinary citizens will be able to buy them too.
The White House hired Canadian firm CGI to run the glitch-ridden launch of ObamaCare. CGI charged fifty-five million for their computer services. Leave it to Barrack Obama to mark the two hundredth anniversary of Canada burning the White House by re-creating the event.
The U.S. government remained shut down a third day Friday as the debt default crisis approached that could wreck U.S. currency. What a mess. It’s just dawning on Americans that it’d be much cheaper to buy their health insurance from the Chinese and cut out the middle man.
President Obama greeted India Prime Minister Manmohan Singh at the White House last Friday. It was the first U.S.-India summit in three years and the leaders focused on jobs. India’s prime minister offered to do President Obama’s job for six dollars an hour.
ObamaCare applicants were shocked at coverage plans they saw online Tuesday. It’s more expensive than private plans, deductibles are huge, and the fines are cheaper than the policies. Uncle Sam went to his new doctor today with an acute case of enlarged Detroit.
Senate Leader Harry Reid rejected GOP attempts to fund the government piecemeal without funding ObamaCare. In his autobiography, he described how he was raised in a brothel. He never in his wildest dreams thought he’d grow up someday and get to run one.
New York Police are investigating the crash of a three-pound radio-controlled drone helicopter on a sidewalk on Wall Street Wednesday that just missed hitting a well-known financial analyst on the head. It shows two things. It shows some people are still really sore about losing their pensions in the crash five years ago and that their aim is improving.
President Obama declared ObamaCare the law of the land in a speech Tuesday. Civil disobedience is widespread. Many Americans would rather go to jail than enroll in ObamaCare now that O.J. Simpson has taught us that cookies are free in the prison cafeteria.
The U.S. faced a government shutdown over Congress’ refusal to fund ObamaCare and the president’s refusal to negotiate. It left Americans asking three questions. Who will inspect the chickens, who will direct air traffic, and who will put us sixteen trillion in debt?
The Postal Service is asking Congress for a three cent raise in the price of a first class stamp to forty-nine cents. We’ll pay it gladly. Last year the Postal Service lost one billion dollars, making it the most profitable branch of the United States government by far.
Colorado pot growers offered free pot to the Boulder flood victims who feel stressed out. With pot legal there, some lawmakers are proposing a thirty-five percent sales tax per ounce. Leave it to a state legislature to make the Mexican drug cartel look not so greedy.
Washington D.C. implemented a program that pays residents twelve thousand dollars if they will move close to their place of business. The program is already a hit. In fact just yesterday, three thousand prostitutes moved in right across the street from Congress.
House Republicans passed a budget resolution Thursday with an added amendment that defunds ObamaCare. To avoid a shutdown they’ll fund the government for two weeks at a time. The U.S. Congress that was designed by James Madison and descended from the House of Commons and Lords now has the financial planning skills of a college sophomore.
The Federal Reserve Bank announced it will continue buying eighty billion dollars a month of U.S. bonds to prop up the U.S. economy. The Treasury is printing money and loaning it to ourselves, and then injecting it into the economy to keep it from collapsing. ObamaCare hasn’t even started yet and already the government’s hogging all the morphine.
President Obama’s choice to head the Federal Reserve Larry Summers withdrew his name on Monday. He wouldn’t inspire a lot of confidence as the nation’s top banker. A routine background check found that he keeps his mattress stored in a safe deposit box.
President Obama said his stimulus program ignited economic recovery Monday. Not everyone agrees. A McDonald’s in Tulsa offers customers the Obama Special–you can order everything you want on the menu, and the next three people in line have to pay for it.
From F.R. Duplantier:
A burger the price of a steak?
A $10 chocolate shake?
And hot apple pies?
Who remembers “deserving a break”?
NEW WAGE MOVEMENT
In the past a young worker aspired
To do what advancement required.
But, with the new rage
To raise minimum wage,
He’ll be lucky to even get hired.
“I get credit for any success –
All the plaudits and all the good press –
But find others to blame
And assume all the shame
When my policies make a big mess.”
To please Democrats pushing preemption
And Republicans craving redemption,
Be utterly fair
And grant everyone an exemption.