Tax Guru – Ker$tetter Letter

From Argus Hamilton:

The Washington Post reported the arrival of the first of one trillion cicadas Monday which hatch every seventeen years back East. For the next month a million bugs per acre will be making loud noises proclaiming their freedom. It is why the IRS audited them. 

 

 The IRS apologized for targeting conservative groups for agency scrutiny during last year’s election. The tax collectors targeted GOP groups and donors for audits. It left every comedian wondering if a great joke on this subject is worth all the extra paperwork. 

 

 Congress vowed to investigate the IRS after the agency apologized for targeting GOP conservative political groups and their big donors Friday. The White House can’t escape by blaming this one on Bush. This is the big leagues, they’ve got to blame this one on Nixon.

 

President Obama was grilled as the IRS admitted targeting Tea Partiers Monday. The same day the Justice Department secretly seized reporters’ phone records. It prompted a party at the Nixon Library that night that was so loud the neighbors had to call the police. 

 

 The IRS apologized Friday for targeting Tea Party and conservative groups for extra scrutiny during the election last year. Tea Partiers were audited just for opposing the president. That’s what they get for being a bunch of nuts who don’t trust the government. 

 

 President Obama was ripped after the IRS targeted the Tea Partiers while the Justice Department spied on AP reporters. When he vowed to unite America he didn’t want the right wing and left wing united against him. This leaves you with the middle of the bird.

From Leno:

I was going to start off tonight with an Obama joke, but I don’t want to get audited by the IRS, so forget that.

 

The IRS has now admitted that they targeted conservative groups for extra scrutiny. That’s why Mitt Romney wanted to be president so bad — to keep the IRS off his back.

 

The heat wave is continuing. There are warnings this could be a long, hot summer and they are telling everyone to cover up. Believe me. You don’t have to tell the Obama White House twice. They know all about covering up.

 

Today the White House unveiled its latest high-tech weapon: the IRS audit.

 

I love what IRS commissioner Steve Miller said today about this whole targeting conservative groups thing. He said, “Mistakes were made, but they were in no way made with a political or partisan motivation.” Yeah, “Mistakes were made” — try saying THAT during your next IRS audit.

 

First it was Benghazi, then the IRS scandal, and now this phone records scandal. Remember the old days when President Obama’s biggest embarrassment was Joe Biden? What happened to those days?

From Argus Hamilton:

The White House announced a one hundred billion dollar budget surplus for next year on Friday. It’s no secret how. The U.S. Senate voted to tax Internet sales Thursday one day after Pfizer began selling Viagra online and the cash is rolling in faster than we can count it.

 

The IRS apologized for targeting Tea Party groups for extra scrutiny last year when they tried to raise money for their cause. It will make for an interesting trial. The tax collectors plan to read the Tea Party platform on the witness stand and plead self-defense.

From Jay Leno:

Former South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford is the guy who told his wife he was going for a hike and then went to Argentina to see his girlfriend. He was exposed as an unethical, lying, cheating weasel. In a stunning comeback, he has been elected to Congress, where he’ll fit right in.

 

New predictions claim that 42 percent of Americans will be obese by the year 2030. They say the only way to stop it is for government to step in. Oh, yeah, that will work. When it comes to trimming the fat and tightening your belt, who knows better than the U.S. government?

 

According to Forbes magazine, Al Gore is now worth more than $200 million. This is what Gore meant when he talked about going green.

From Argus Hamilton:

Al Gore was reported Monday to have two hundred million in the bank after he sold Current TV. He’s now as rich as Mitt Romney. Forget Asian Tiger mom techniques, the best way to raise kids to be successful in life is to make them boring, white and unelectable.

 

Pfizer announced it’ll sell Viagra directly to patients on its company website Monday and send the pills to men via overnight mail. It’s big news. The U.S. Postal Service just announced they are projecting their budget will be in the black for the first time in forty years.