Tax Guru – Ker$tetter Letter

Helping real people win the tax game.

“Tax Week” Jokes

Posted by taxguru on April 19, 2015

An assortment from some of the late night talk shows, via NewsMax.

Letterman

It’s two days until tax time. I know it’s late, but there is still time to deduct this show as a loss.

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I told my accountant a couple of months ago that I’m getting ready to retire, and he said, “Oh, no. You’re not getting out that easy.”

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It’s tax season. When I woke this morning and realized it was tax season, I said, My God, didn’t we just pay taxes last year?

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Today is tax day. A lot of people are hoping they get refunds. And that’s just the folks here in the audience.

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Conan

It’s April 15, tax day. The federal tax code is over 74,000 pages long. But stick with it because after page 72,000, it gets really good.

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Hillary Clinton is making income inequality a central theme in her campaign. Yeah, for example, today she pointed out that her husband makes $300 million a year. She has to get by on $200 million a year, and that’s not fair.

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Tax day was yesterday. And marijuana growers are complaining that they can’t write off a single expense thanks to federal laws. Well, apparently someone tried to claim the Phish tour as his home office and that’s not going to happen.

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Jimmy Kimmel

For the next hour, would you say you are relying on me to host the show? So, in a way you are depending on me? I can claim you as dependents. It makes for a big tax refund for me.

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The IRS specifically selected April 15 as tax day. They knew it was going to likely be a beautiful spring day and they wanted to ruin it for us.

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A study says that traffic fatalities go up 6 percent on tax day, presumably because people are rushing to the tax office and doing their taxes while they drive. If you are just realizing it is tax day, don’t worry about it. The IRS is pretty cool about this stuff.

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The only fun thing about filing your tax return is getting a refund. About 80 percent of taxpayers get money back, which is a weird thing to be happy about. That means you’ve been overpaying all year long. It’s like if someone broke into your house and the police recovered the stuff and brought it back and you said, “Oh, presents.”

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