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This Week’s Jokes…

Posted by taxguru on August 11, 2013

From Fred Thompson:

Turns out the IRS was not only targeting new Tea Party groups, but existing ones as well. In fact, they just indicted 10 Founding Fathers for tax fraud.


President Obama discussed the possibility of using unarmed, unmanned aircraft to help combat the growing problem of elephant poachers in Tanzania’s vast wildlife reserves. And if that doesn’t work, he’ll sic the IRS on ’em.


When an HHS official was asked whether people will see the $2500 insurance premium savings that President Obama promised, he responded “I can’t say”. Is there ANYONE in this administration not pleading the 5th?


A California company was given more than $100 million in taxpayer funds by the federal government to build electric car charging stations, despite how few of them are on the road. Yet not a dime for unicorn feeding troughs.


A new study shows that late-night comedians are now targeting Democrats twice as much as Republicans. Meanwhile, the IRS is now targeting Republicans half as much as late-night comedians.


A new study shows that 90% of jobs created since 2009 are only part-time. Just waiting for Obama to describe them as having an “extra unpaid vacation benefit”.


A new report shows that earning one dollar too much could cost you thousands under Obamacare. Of course, in Obama’s economy, the hard part is earning that dollar.


Although global temperatures have been steady for 15 years, climate scientists are calling it a “pause” in global warming. My guess is they’re starting to get panicky there’ll be a “pause” in their funding. 


Senate Democrats have proposed increasing the budget of the Internal Revenue Service by $12 billion. Guess they need to replace all the “Denied” stamps they wore out on Tea Party 501(c)(4) applications. 


A new report shows that the drop in the unemployment rate is due “almost 100%” to declines in the labor force participation rate. So… his plan is for everyone to quit looking for work so that unemployment drops to zero? 


Can’t make this up: the United Nations General Assembly adopted a resolution to designate November 19th as “World Toilet Day”. No doubt to be re-designated “World Economy Day” before too long. 


In France, a jewel thief made off with $136 million in loot in a 60-second daylight robbery. To put that in perspective, that’s nearly 20 minutes of government spending. 


A new survey show that 79% of US adults struggle with joblessness, near-poverty, or reliance on welfare. Or, as the Democrats call them – “the target audience”.


From Argus Hamilton:

Congress billed the taxpayers to fund health care insurance for themselves and their staffs Friday. It gets them out of ObamaCare. Not only do average Americans pick up the cost of House members’ health care, all death-panel rulings apply to randomly-selected taxpayers.


The FEC reported dead people gave six hundred thousand dollars to campaigns last year. Three fourths went to Democrats, one-fourth to Libertarians. Once Republicans die they’re prevented from donating to campaigns or worthy causes by what the law calls heirs.


Mitt Romney spoke at a GOP fundraiser in New Hampshire Tuesday where he urged the Republicans to nominate a presidential candidate who hates high taxes and can win. Everybody cheered. Phil Mickelson would be our third left-handed president in a row.


President Obama did an about-face Tuesday and proposed private banks guarantee home loans, not federal agencies. He’d backed government home loans his entire life. You know he’s getting older when even President Obama doesn’t support President Obama.


From Jay Leno:

The White House approved an exemption in Obamacare coverage for Congress and members of their staff. Members complained that the Affordable Care Act will cost them thousands extra a year in premiums. Wait a minute. It’s their bill. If it’s too expensive, why did they name it the Affordable Care Act?


Yesterday, President Obama met with the Greek prime minister to discuss reforming Greece’s economy. President Obama talked with the prime minister of Greece about the economy. Actually, it’s “the blind leading the blind.”


Before they went on vacation, Congress voted to exempt themselves from Obamacare. They gave themselves a special exemption because they thought it was too expensive. So the people who voted for Obamacare for us voted to exempt themselves from it. You know how doctors take the Hippocratic Oath. Congress apparently takes the “Hypocritic Oath.”


From Jimmy Fallon:

Amazon said it’s going to hire at least 5,000 new employees. They were originally going to hire only 4,000, but realized if they added a few more, they’ll get free shipping.



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