From Argus Hamilton:

The White House announced that the president will return five percent of his salary to the U.S. government to share the sacrifice in the sequester budget cuts. He’s paying seventeen hundred a month back to the Treasury. At this rate he’ll reimburse us for what he spent on family vacations but only if he’s president for another twenty-three years.

 

John Kerry declared he will donate five percent of his salary to charity as a sacrifice for the sequester budget cuts. He’s worth two hundred million dollars. For five percent of his Secretary of State’s salary to hurt him he would have had to marry Dionne Warwick.

 

The White House on Monday proclaimed April to be Personal Finance Responsibility Month. The Obama administration put together a website intended to teach children how to manage budgets responsibly. It looks like another case of those who cannot do, teach.

 

The White House backed banks who give home loans to people with bad credit. They threatened banks who refuse. The American Dream is now a thirty-year mortgage and a two-month payment plan, backed by the full faith and paratroopers of the U.S. government.

 

Senator Jay Rockefeller asked Carnival Cruise to reimburse the U.S. Treasury the four million dollars it cost the U.S. government for the Coast Guard to tow last month’s sewage-fouled liner back safely to port. The cruise company is complaining, but they won’t get anywhere. Even the Auto Club only tows you so many times before they start charging you.

From Jay Leno:

Good news: our buddy Wesley Snipes — remember he went to prison in 2010 for tax evasion — he got released earlier this week. The bad news: He’s only got 10 days to file his taxes.

From Dave Letterman:

The White House has now put together a website for kids. It’s a website to teach kids how to manage a budget responsibly. The website is called “Irony.gov.”

From Jimmy Fallon:

A new report found that, despite the slowing economy, going to college is still paying off. Unfortunately, still paying off is what you’ll be doing with your college loans for the rest of your life.