From Conan:

President Obama is in a lot of hot water lately. Despite the scandals, 53 percent of Americans say they approve of the job he’s doing. The other 47 percent are being audited.

 

A new report just came out. It says someone close to the president knew about the IRS scandal and kept his mouth shut. In other words, we can rule out Joe Biden.

From Argus Hamilton:

The Chicago Bulls were eliminated by the Miami Heat in the NBA playoffs Thursday in a brutal series between the two physical teams. The Bulls are the president’s favorite team. The Miami Heat now head to Washington D.C. to face their toughest opponent, the IRS.

 

The House Ways and Means Committee ripped IRS officials for targeting government opponents for scrutiny and reprisal. It’s an old tradition. Will Rogers once said America has the best government money can buy, then he died in a mysterious plane crash in Alaska.

 

President Obama asked Congress Thursday for more money to guard U.S. embassies from attack. It’s not necessary. All we have to do is register al-Qaeda as a conservative political action group and the IRS will shut them down for their anti-U.S. government views.

 

IRS official Sarah Ingraham, who was in charge of targeting conservatives, was put in charge of doling out ObamaCare. Hollywood noticed. Angelina Jolie is already estranged from her conservative father Jon Voight so it won’t bother her to rat on him to get her breast surgery.

 

IRS Commissioner Steven Miller stonewalled Congress in testimony Friday. He stated he’s an acting commissioner. That’s someone from Second City who knows how to act like the executive branch had no knowledge the IRS was targeting conservative groups.

 

The Powerball Lottery winning numbers came up Saturday with six hundred million going to the winning ticket-holder. It’s easier to predict what the winner will be than it is who the winner will be. The Oxford Dictionary defines a lottery winner as a former Democrat.

 

Philadelphia Eagles lineman Evan Mathis posted a photo on Instagram that showed him relieving himself on an IRS building in the city’s old colonial district. It should be easy for the IRS to track him down. All they have to do is follow the yellow brick road.

 

The IRS announced Friday it’s hiring thousands of specialists to review everyone’s tax records to enforce ObamaCare. Buy stock in companies that make rubber gloves. The IRS is hiring so many proctologists that the immigration department can’t issue the high-tech visas fast enough to keep up with demand.

 

President Obama said Friday he had no idea the IRS was targeting conservatives last year. He can say nothing else. Barack Obama once starred in a student movie, and when the script called for him to admit to doing something wrong, they had to get a stunt double.

 

The CNN poll Monday said sixty percent of Americans said they believe Obama when he says he didn’t know the IRS was targeting conservatives That’s odd. It was the number-one topic in every foursome at every golf club in America, how could he not know about it?

From Leno:

President Obama gave the commencement address at Morehouse College over the weekend. Great speech, very inspiring. He told the young graduates their future is bright — unless, of course, they want jobs.

 

The White House admitted President Obama’s chief of staff had advance warning that the IRS was targeting conservative groups. President Obama says the first time he heard about the IRS and AP scandals was from the media. See, that’s why President Obama holds press conferences. It’s not to explain what’s going on. It’s to find out what’s going on.

 

Singer Mary J. Blige has been slapped with a $3.4 million bill from the IRS. I didn’t even know she was a tea party member.

From Jimmy Fallon:

These scandals at the White House are just getting worse. It turns out that President Obama’s chief of staff knew about the scandal at the IRS three weeks before the president found out. Obama was like, “Anything else you guys aren’t telling me?” And Joe Biden was like, “Uh . . . I broke the copier.”

 

President Obama’s team knew about the IRS scandal but kept him in the dark about it. Or as Obama put it, “Guys, when I said ‘no spoilers,’ I was just talking about ‘Game of Thrones.'”